Futbol Analytical Skills

Greetings.


I was ready to slice my head off with a penknife looking at all those fallacies and mountain-loads of examples given (I have a small head).


Then, I came up with a DING-DING-DING-DING plan!


Because I am stupid and I only listen to myself, I have decided to take matters into my own hands and instead come up with my own examples to help me with those Analytical Skills fallacies.


Here it goes. I hope I do those fallacy-creators justice by getting the fallacies RIGHT. I have a sinking feeling that some fallacies have been distorted, by me unfortunately. If anybody comes across this and is deeply flabbergasted by some glaring mistakes I have made, it would not be very kind to aim missiles at my home. I am a simple human being with a disturbingly simple brain, therefore I can only come up with simple theories.






FALLACY 1: BEGGING THE QUESTION -- OMISSION OF PREMISE


Premise is needed to derive a valid conclusion.




For example:


David Silva is a good player.
--> It is foolish to sell David Silva.




For the football-impaired, footballers are traded around and sold like a sack of potatoes. It is a very normal phenomenon.


However, there is a missing premise.




David Silva is a good player.
IT IS FOOLISH TO SELL GOOD PLAYERS.
--> It is foolish to sell David Silva.




Ahhh that's better. I will send the above statements to Valencia in a little while, so the president and the sporting director see how important Silva is to the team. There is no way they would not be able to understand my CLEARLY-ARGUED statements.


Oh except for the fact that they do not understand English.






FALLACY 2: BEGGING THE QUESTION -- BY RESTATEMENT


In this one, it means that the reason and the conclusion given are similar. There is no imagination in the arguer's brain, to put it simply.



For example:

We lost because we did not win.




Mind you, this excuse is always given by managers and footballers, including one man named Ronaldo. The unfortunate Brazilian one, I mean. However, it will be a matter of time before the Portuguese one says something ridiculous like that as well.




There are TWO other Begging the Question fallacies: By Circular Chain and By Inferential Circularity. However, I was unable to come up with anything remotely intelligent for those two. So, figure that out yourselves people.



FALLACY 3: FALSE DICHOTOMY -- BY NON-EXHAUSTION


Either P or Q
It is not P
--> It is Q


People assume that there are only two choices here. However, there can always be a third choice.




For example:


You either like Real Madrid or Barcelona.
You do not like Real Madrid.
--> You like Barcelona.


NO WAY! I LIKE SEVILLA!


Oh, and Valencia.


And Atletico de Madrid!


Just not Barcelona.




FALLACY 4: FALSE DICHOTOMY -- BY NON-EXCLUSION


Either P or Q
It is P
--> It is not Q

Again, people do not realize that there is, GASP, the possibility that it can be P AND Q.



For example:


You either like Jesus Navas for his skills or for his eyes.
You like Jesus Navas for his skills.
--> You do not like his eyes.

HEY! I like Jesus Navas for his skills AND eyes.


He has stunning eyes by the way. They are green.


If he lived with Shakespeare, he would be accused of being perpetually jealous.

Sigh, for those Literature-impaired, "green-eyed monster" means jealousy. Othello was very fond of that particular emotion.



Here is Green Eyes for you. Well they do not look particularly green there. It is most obvious when he is staring into the camera, or when he is standing next to grass, but I do not have such pictures at the mo.




FALLACY 5: Complex Question


Assumption is made in the phrasing of the question.




For example:

Has Cristiano stopped thinking highly of himself?



Here, we assume that Cristiano has always thought highly of himself.


And we know that is not a fair claim, eh?


FALLACY 6: MISSING THE POINT


Premises lead to conclusion X.
However, conclusion Y is drawn.




For example:


Esteban Granero has the curliest hair I have ever seen on a footballer.
--> Esteban Granero should leave Real Madrid.




WOAH! Hang in there! That is TOTALLY MISSING THE POINT!


Though both statements are very very true and very very sound, there is no link there. The correct conclusion should be as follows.



Esteban Granero has the curliest hair I have ever seen on a footballer.
--> Esteban Granero should straighten his hair.




The conclusion here is more valid, though it is not sound.

I do not wish to imagine how Granero would look with straight hair.





Although the picture here does not indicate so, Granero is really quite a nice and sane man.




FALLACY 7: RED HERRING



Irrelevant issue is brought up to divert attention.





For example:



Silva: Cristiano, I think you are not as great as you think.

Cristiano: Pish-posh. I have hair that is much greater than your mushroom head.



Silva will now DIVERT HIS ATTENTION to his mushroom head.



See how SLY Cristiano is? He cannot give sufficient reasons as to why he thinks he is great. Instead, he attacks a stricken Silva and his mushroom head.





Silva and his mushroom head.


FALLACY 8: STRAW MAN

Misrepresentation of opponent's argument. Person often ends up attacking the extremes, which is not true of the opponent's argument.


For example:

Koeman: I feel that Valencia fans ought to be partially responsible for the dismal performances of the team this season. If they can just stop waving white handkerchiefs and calling for my head, the players would not be so distracted all the time.

Head of Valencia Mafia and Ultras: HOW DARE KOEMAN SAY WE ARE TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG THIS SEASON, THAT WE ARE AT FAULT FOR ALL OF VALENCIA'S LOSSES? What a twat, he is definitely wrong!


And that is how major wars get started. Because of misrepresentation.

By the way, I do not like Koeman.

There is some truth in that example, Koeman has blamed us sometimes. I think he is running out of things to blame though, next week he might blame the cafeteria lady for making the players fat.

And that is it for now. Food beckons.

Signed,

Sincerely, me

Pearlyn Silva