BIG SUR -- THE THRILLS

I've been using that as my alarm for the past couple of weeks, and now i find myself twitching or jolting uncontrollaby whenever that song comes on Pablo, my MP3 player. Sigh, this has got something to do with what we learnt in Psychology, something about conditioning and learning (conditional learning?). However, because I am incredibly stupid, I cannot remember the actual terms to diagnose my condition. I do know that this dog named Pavlov was involved though.

All right, never mind.

Wait, what? Possibly it was the experimenter that was called Pavlov and the dog was called...Dog.

NEVER MIND, I hated that chapter in Psychology, as evident in the above paragraphs. The more I hate something, the more I do not bother remembering anything about it. That, unfortunately, does not extend to people, because the more I dislike someone, the more I seem to remember that person's name.

Like John Terry, who can ever forget that man's name? After he tried to castrate one of my football favourites Fernando Torres 4 years ago in an international friendly, he has graced the most privileged Top 5 positions in my Most Hated Footballers list. Earlier this season, he was again seen galloping violently around Fernando, and they ended up in a tiny man-to-man scuffle. Don't really know what he said to Fernando, and it seemed that Fernando did not know what was said to him either (Fernando was not exactly proficient in English then, though I wonder what sort of big English words Terry used to taunt Fernando to confuse Fernando so much...).

Here are some things that Terry could have said to Fernando that threw Fernando off so much that he did not wish to relive it with the eager press:

1. I have seen better faces in my time than stands alone on any shoulder that I see before me at this instant.

Well. Terry does look like the formal sort.

2. The tartness of your face sours ripe grapes.

Not that I agree that Fernando resembles a tart, but most footballers don't eat before matches. It is thus not strange that food is the first thing they think of when they insult someone.

3. Thou smell of mountain goat.

Well, one thing is for sure, footballers don't smell like a basket of roses I daresay.

4. Thou cream-faced loon. Where got'st that goose look?

I 80% believe this was what Terry said to Fernando, because Fernando looks like he would not understand what a "loon" is, and he would probably be concerned about the "cream-faced" comment, because Fernando has a more polka-dotted skin, what with his freckles. I also do not believe that Fernando's English teacher taught him what a goose is, it is not exactly a very threatening animal that he has to beware of in Liverpool.

5. Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage! You tallow face!

Well, it makes more sense for referees to say something like that to players they are sending off. I am just putting it on this list because I quite like this quote. I mean, how anyone could ever come up with that when they are furious is beyond me. I should probably try that out when I am pissed off with someone one day, but that someone would probably respond with a "huh?" and totally ruin the flow of the argument.

6. Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.

Now THIS seems more likely. Terry does look like he can be very dramatic sometimes, yes?

7. My tongue will tell the anger of my heart.

Terry did look downright outraged there, and so did Fernando, but sadly there is no Spanish poetry that Fernando could quote from to impress Terry with.

8. You have not as much brain as ear-wax.

Fernando's ears ARE quite large.

9. There's a man hath more hair than wit.

Fernado's hair IS quite long.

10. Thou hast no more brain that I have in mine elbows.

Well, Terry WAS gesturing wildly all over the place, so this is quite likely too.

11. Heaven truly knows that thou are as false as hell.

85% likely that this was what Terry said to Fernando, it was after Fernando sort of dived, if I am not wrong.

Trust Othello to come up with something like that, I remember having to write an entire essay on his use of heaven and hell imagery, thanks to his flowery pompous use of words.

12. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

Hey, you never know what Fernando first said to Terry.

13. Bloody, bawdy villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!

There is probably not a single word that Fernando would understand in that, which makes it 90% likely that Terry declared this in his face.

14. From the extremest upward of thy head to the descent and dust beneath thy foot, a most toad spotted traitor.

I think Terry would be better off directing this to Ashley Cole, but maybe he was practising it on Fernando first to test out his reaction. No wonder Fernando was confused.

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Well, John Terry is English after all. I expect he has been properly educated in the studies of a certain fellow countryman William Shakespeare. He died today I think. Shakespeare, not Terry. As much as I dislike the man, he can be useful in entertaining me. Don't really wish him dead!

ENOUGH ABOUT JOHN TERRY. For someone I do not like, that is one hell of a long post. Imagine how long it will be for someone whose presence and existence I do not actually mind.

I have been watching more TV of late, because me has finished the dreaded exams. Just last week actually, and already I am receiving gleeful emails from my professors delightfully proclaiming that grades are out. It would KILL them to contain their excitement and wait for a few more weeks before telling us our grades, wouldn't it?

Analytical Skills and Creative Thinking. Quite contented, no complaints there. End of story good night.

On another more pleasant note, I have found myself, gasp, actually watching AMERICAN IDOL.

Yes, I did scoff haughtily at Bizarre Izzah for still watching that. However, it has proven to not be that much of a waste of time and energy. There are 6 of them left now, let's look at them shall we?

1. Syeeeeeeeeeeesha. Syeisha? Something along those lines.

Don't know much about her, sings well, big voice, great look, seems considerably okay as a person.

Moving on.

2. Jason Castroooooooooooooooooooooo!

Ahhh. Fidel's long-lost lovechild maybe? If so, Fidel would be appalled that Jason is very much a peace-loving "make love not war" hippie, or seems to be, which conflicts very much with Fidel's past cries for revolution in Cuba.

Serious now.

When I first saw him, all I could see was dreadlocks. And a soft voice struggling to be heard in that mountain of hair.

His voice is still soft. But at the risk of sounding like a FANGIRL, Jason actually has incredible eyes. Like Jesus Navas, whose picture is swimming somewhere below in one of my previous posts. It is a Texan thing, I think, like a law for people to have pretty eyes. The Texan people I know of have really nice eyes. Like Alexis Bledel, and...Jason. Okay, that is TWO people, but that counts for something.

So. His voice isn't as AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH as the rest of them idols, it's more like, I don't know, teenybopper, he is like Jesse McCartney sans blonde hair/Aaron-Carter-features.

I think he will last, mostly because he has tween fans, I should think. CMON, if ME at the ripe old age of TWENTY can admit to having fangirl tendencies towards Jason, I can bet you another million people under the age of 15 fancy his eyelashes.

3. Brooke something something.

I am ashamed that I cannot remember the girls' names, it is just that they are not as attention-grabbing as the men, I am absolved of all blame.

A beautiful lady I daresay, but she is in danger of being kicked out. Stumbled in today's performance, she forgot the lyrics. That I can sympathize, because the lady looked so traumatized, I don't think she can ever get over that. In my very humble opinion however, the lady seems too defensive at times, which is natural of course, but I think playing it cool would make her more endearing.

4. David Archu-something.

YESSSS it is not just the girls' names I forget, I can never remember what this boy's last name is.

He is always smiling. He looks like he will chuckle bashfully even if somebody was heading towards him with a hedge-clipper.

He has many fans. And when I say many, I really mean MAANNNNNNNYYYYYY. Granted, he is a young boy, all those tweens not supporting Jason Castroooooooo would be supporting David Archufillintheblank.

Quite like him though, seems to really want it, quite an AHHHHH voice too. He might be TOO nice however, very few famous people are nice.

Except David Silva (who might be leaving Valencia, which suddenly makes him not very nice anymore, but I will save that story for Christmastime).

5. Carly Smith...son?

Really testing my memory here. Carly Smithson sounds normal enough, I am not clever enough to create a name out of nothing, so that should be her actual name.

I quite like her, I am quite gunning for her. If I were stuck in a lift, I would like to be stuck in a lift with her. Can you imagine, I need not even have to press the emergency button, all Carly has to do is YOWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL and people in Alaska would be able to hear her cry for help.

She has an AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH voice.

Her tattoos are fascinating too. A bit too much obviously, but have you SEEN her HUSBAND? WOW, if I didn't know any better, I would be wondering if he was even born with skin.

6. David Cooooooook.

A good singer, quite like him too. Seems like quite a boring individual (no offense to Mr. Cook, if you happen to be reading this, though you should not even be wasting time on this, you should be singing!). I mean, he looks like the sort who would read bedtime stories to his cat next to a fireplace in a dimly-lit room with a few candles...I have the most random imagination in the world, sorry about that.

He likes Our Lady Peace though. Of all songs he had to choose "Innocent", which is one of my least favourite songs, but he is emotionally connected to that for some reason. Maybe he murdered someone before and now regrets it?

Otherwise, I think he might go far too. For Jason Castroooooo and David Archuwhatwhat, they have tweens on their side. For Lord Cook however, I think he's got mothers on his side. Seems like he's got a fanbase of 50-year-olds, which is quite sad really. Maybe he should get some dreadlocks and perpetually smile like his counterparts?

Okay goodnight earthlings.

Signed,

Sincerely, me

Pearlyn Silva