Because I am a slob who does not wish to get started on Robert Putnam's thrilling tales about politics, I will continue to preach what I have learnt in Analytical Skills to all who are concerned.
Why do I hear a bird in my house? Better go check.
Sound has stopped. Must be the neighbours pretending to be birds again.
FALLACY 9: APPEAL TO AUTHORITY
Somebody of authority says something that might be contentious
For example:
Rafael Benitez said that Fernando Torres has nice legs, so we must believe him.
Now, I would probably not fight this claim if Rafa did say anything like that. Although Fernando's legs are a little too long, like a pelican's.
Pelicans can be cool, with their beaks and all.
I would put up a lovely picture of Fernando's legs if anybody wants though. Not that I have any, I don't think I have a "Footballers' Legs" folder in my computer.
FALLACY 10: APPEAL TO IGNORANCE
It has never been shown that P...
-->P is not true.
OH MY GOD NOW I KNOW WHY IM HEARING BIRD SOUNDS IN MY HOUSE.
HOW was I supposed to know that my COUSIN is IN MY HOUSE, I thought everybody had gone out.
Scared me out of my mind when he appeared right next to me just as I was deeply enlightening myself with fallacies. Thought it was a very calm and peaceful burglar, but it turned out to be MY COUSIN.
GAH how embarrassing, and I thought I had the house to myself so I just spent the last 10 minutes belting out Boyz2Men hits.
ARGH.
Anyway, back to the fallacies. Sigh.
What is he DOING downstairs, de-feathering the neighbourhood birds? Strange dude he is.
OKAY. BACK TO WORK.
For example:
There have been no known pictures of Sergio Ramos with short hair.
--> Sergio Ramos was born with long hair.
Now, honestly I have never seen Ramos with short hair. I wonder sometimes.
For the Ramos-impaired, google him. I am tired of putting up pictures.
FALLACY 11: APPEAL TO PITY
Pity is evoked to establish a logically unrelated conclusion.
For example:
Ever Banega is being laughed at by everybody because of his adult video.
--> We should not condemn his pornographic actions.
Awww, I would fall for that fallacy anytime. If you had seen how melancholic Banega looked the entire two weeks he was in the news for his adult video, your heart would weep too.
To be honest, everybody was fairly amused with him and I think Banega made lots of friends in the Valencia dressing room, though I know nobody in the Valencian team would exchange MSN contacts with him, who knows what webcam activity he'd hook up this time?
Here is a video of our lovely Joaquin and his reaction to Banega's adult film controversy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGWPh-kPr6M
There is a better video out there, but I am afraid to youtube Banega's name any further.
FALLACY 12: APPEAL TO POPULARITY
Many people believe that P...
--> P is true.
For example:
Many people find Kaka attractive.
--> Kaka must be attractive.
Well, I am only putting this up as a fallacy because I find it gravely disturbing that girls watch football because of this creature.
He plays for Milan, he helps Milan, that's all I like him for.
As soon as he leaves Milan, I will possibly break his nose.
FALLACY 13: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- ABUSIVE
There is something bad about X.
--> X must be wrong in his arguments.
For example:
Ronald Koeman: I like David Silva.
Skeptical Football Fan: Koeman is a lousy manager, so whatever he says must not be true. David Silva must be a lousy player.
COME ON. The statement "David Silva must be a lousy player" is fallacious on its own already.
FALLACY 14: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- APPEAL TO EXPLANATION
It can be explained why X argues this way.
--> Whatever X says is wrong.
For example:
Arsene Wenger believes that Liverpool did not deserve that penalty. He is only saying that because his team was disadvantaged and crashed out of the Champions League because of that penalty decision.
--> Wenger is dead wrong in his assessment.
Well. That "is it or is it not a penalty" argument is still being violently discussed in the footballing world.
If they paid that same amount of attention to worldly matters like poverty, we might start seeing some societal improvements.
FALLACY 15: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- YOU TOO
You do it too.
--> It is all right to do that.
For example:
Alex Ferguson: Liverpool should not complain that Javier Mascherano's red card was unjustified.
Rafael Benitez: You complain too when your players get sent off, so you make absolutely no sense.
They did not exactly say this, but looking at the way they looked at each other, you can just TELL what their eyes were saying. And I don't think it was anything along the lines of "Fergie looks hot in tweed" or "Rafa oozes appeal with that face hair".
Rafa looks nice with his face hair though.
FALLACY 16: FALSE CAUSE (POST-HOC)
After a certain event, something happens. That something is attributed to the event.
For example:
After David Villa patted David Silva on the head, Silva scored.
--> David Villa should always pat David Silva on the head so Silva can score.
If only scoring goals were that simple.
FALLACY 17: FALSE CAUSE (CUM-HOC)
Correlation between two events does not mean that there is a cause-and-effect relationship
For example:
Lots of good footballers have children out of wedlock.
--> All budding footballers should have children out of wedlock, so they will be good.
Quite an amazing number of footballers actually. Raul, Steven Gerrard...
That is all I can think of right now. But it really is an amazing number.
FALLACY 18: HASTY GENERALIZATION
Sample is unrepresentative as it is too small
For example:
Luis Figo and Fernando Morientes have hairy chests.
--> All footballers like to have hair on their chests.
For the record, I did not go out looking for Figo's and Morientes' chests. It was an accidental discovery.
Some discoveries are best kept undiscovered. Those chests ought to only have been seen by Mrs. Figo and Mrs. Morientes.
FALLACY 19: BY COMPOSITION
Each part of X has this property.
--> X has this property.
For example:
Silva is made up of atoms.
Atoms vibrate.
--> Silva vibrates all the time.
He is quite jumpy sometimes.
FALLACY 20: BY DIVISION
X has this property.
--> Each part of X has this property.
For example:
Adrian Gonzalez is a very handsome player.
His bones must also be very handsome.
I am human. I admit Adrian Gonzalez is probably more useful as a model than a footballer.
Can't wait to see how HANDSOME his liver looks.
FALLACY 21: SLIPPERY SLOPE (CAUSAL)
Something will trigger off a chain reaction which will lead to eventual disaster
For example:
If Valencia continues to lose, the club will be at the bottom of the league.
Valencia will then be relegated.
Valencia will then become poor.
Valencia's players will then be driven to insanity.
--> Valencia will then be closed down by the Spanish government.
Actually, I fear more about how fans like ME will be driven to insanity.
But see? That is a common fear that we Valencia fans have.
People are home! Have to start looking like I am doing actual work now. Goodbye world.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
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