I really do fancy Weezer. I don't really know any recent tunes by them, my love is only based on the older CDs of Weezer that I found lying around the house...one of which is missing...! Jeez I totally forgot that I was supposed to be searching for it, I think I was supposed to do that a month ago, the dear sibling must be fuming.
Spent a hell of a time at Kino yesterday, but I fought the urge to get more random books about the history of Spain, it was hard fighting it, I had to pinch myself on both arms. Which of course, frightened some of the stuffy old people around me milling about the military history section, they must have thought I was re-enacting some brutal wartime punishment on myself. The book that I was making eyes at is titled "THE GHOSTS OF SPAIN", ooooooooooh.
Yeah, it is not exactly like an AHHHHHHHHHH thriller on centuries-worth of unexplained mysteries in Spain, but it is about the country's modern history, and the repercussions of the Spanish civil war/Franco's brutal regime and the rise of feminism and the downfall of portly old men like Jesus Gil (PRONOUNCED AS HAYYYY-SOOOOS! I have to get that sorted out before people think I am being anti-Christ or something like that, it is a legitimate Spanish name, a name that a certain waif-like green-eyed footballer named Navas goes by. You might have seen his eyeballs sparkling away a few posts below).
Some important things I have learnt from that book (which I spent an hour and a half leaning on a wall reading, HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED, got up today with a massive ENORMOUS backache and neckache, thank you very much for removing those benches Kino):
1) Euskadi. Catalunya. Galicia. Breakaway states.
--> But I already knew all that. The things football teaches you about regional Spanish politics.
2) Spanish dialects are all very distinct, and the cultural differences between the regions of Spain are not celebrated but are in fact, used as tools for bickering.
--> But I also already knew that. Most of their road signs are in their regional languages, not in so-called Castellano/Castillian Spanish.
--> Also, you have to hear Xabi Alonso speak to understand what I mean about Spanish dialects.
--> And after that, you have to listen to men like Sergio Ramos speak, Andalucians have a different way of talking too.
--> Actually, you can choose to listen to Jesus Navas instead of Sergio Ramos, because not only does Navas have the same accent as Ramos, but he also has a more interesting voice (the first time I heard him, I had no idea it was him talking until I saw the vague movements of his lips. If you have somehow stumbled upon my blog and are reading this, Navas, don't get me wrong, the voice is certainly unique, with a lot of personality...VITALITY! Yes, that is the word. He sounds excited all the time even when he is sad, I don't know how he would sound when he is SINCERELY excited!). So I would like to actually recommend Navas instead of Ramos.
--> If you would still like to listen to Ramos speak, I would recommend you listen to him speaking English instead of Spanish, because that will make your day. Ramos has that effect on people, even though it is not usually his intention.
--> In fact, you might want to youtube this golf advert that Ramos did with Wayne Rooney, HOW did they come up with such a strange pair, putting Ramos and Rooney together is like putting...ME and Angelina Jolie together to do a detergent advert.
Where was I?
3) To understand the regional differences in Spain, you have to look deep into its history, and the differences were pronounced mostly during the Spanish civil war, and exploited by a certain man named Francisco Franco.
--> Me writing about Spanish history in detail would not do them justice, so I recommend you read books by Spanish people or by people who have spent decades following the progress of the country.
4) Real Madrid = Right-wing political tool
--> I am tired of talking about this, and frankly lots of Real Madrid fans are peeved at being associated with Franco. Sadly, it is the truth. And they will have to live with that.
--> On this note, I would like to declare how disgusted I am that Esteban Granero and de la Red (I HAVE YET TO FIND OUT HIS FIRST NAME, REMEMBER TO CHECK!) will be returning to the Bernabeu after their loan spell at Getafe this season. That is fantastic news for some I suppose, since I trust that Granero and de la Red will make talented grass-cutters/bench cheerleaders/laundrymen/mannequins.
5) Spain is considerably liberal in Europe, of course after the Netherlands and Germany.
--> How on earth am I supposed to comment on this without sounding incredibly perverse...
--> Apparently, there was supposed to be a law declaring "sex-zones" for the young, since most Spanish people live with their parents till they are about 30 (except Fernando Torres), and if you have not already figured out by now, the proposed law will allow young Spanish people to, you know, bond with each other at certified dark areas, instead of having to confuse their parents with strange sounds from their bedrooms. However, the law fell thru and some politician was quoted as saying, rather insensitively as some people had remarked, that "the young people should just go find their own places!".
Muahahaha the things they debate about there. If we ever mumbled anything like that in this country, I think half the population would get strokes.
6) Spain is the best place to be pregnant in.
--> This post is taking quite a bizarre turn, especially since I am commenting about this right after talking about the proposed law on sex-zones. It is not meant to be a dirty and impure post.
--> It is a brilliant place to be pregnant in (notice I did not say a brilliant place to GET pregnant in, muahahaha the difference one word would make) because pregnant women are raised on a pedestal in Spain. Spanish people love children, and family is the most important unit in Spain, so Spanish people would break down in tears when they see young mommies waddling with strollers and bowling ball stomachs.
--> In a way, you can say that Spanish children are spoilt and coddled to the core. However, there is a difference between being spoilt and being spoilt ROTTEN. Based on what I have seen and what I know, Spanish children in general are beautiful little things, and they aren't ROTTING like most of the brats I face here in this country. Spanish children are little princes and princesses, but few of them are rude. Except for those who kept STARING at my face (because they could not figure out WHERE I was from, since I did not respond to KONICHIWA and NI HAO) and at my cousins' faces, perhaps because they thought my cousin was the Smashing Pumpkins guy, he was mistaken before by some Spanish people hahahahaaha.
--> The book also talked about how this old Spanish man moved to England and spent his first few weeks pinching boys' cheeks (their face cheeks I hope, ass cheeks would give a whole other meaning) and talking up little girls. Instead of welcoming this sweet harmless old man with open arms, the COPS were called in and he was hauled to the police station for suspected paedophilic tendencies.
--> I must say, based on my time in Spain, the old people are cute like that yes. Affectionately approaching young strangers to compliment their appearance or to make conversation would be creepy to most people visiting Spain, but pretty normal for them. Of course, there can be such a thing as TOO affectionate, have I ever mentioned how that old Spanish lady (my uncle's friend's mother) was practically having an orgasm talking about then-jailbait Fernando Torres?
--> Also, be prepared to be reprimanded by random Spanish people if you "mistreat" your children. Perhaps if you were gripping your child's arm a little too tightly, expect to be approached and taught the proper way to do it.
Just imagine what the Spanish people would do when they see how parents/teachers here whack their kids/students with all sorts of power tools.
Yes, I do not support tough love. Although most children here deserve to be slapped (believe me, the urge comes occasionally), I do not believe it does anybody any good. Children are homosapiens/human beings/living organisms for god's sake, not scarecrows.
7) The Costa del Sol is being invaded by the Russian mafia and British runaway criminals. And by my cousins, because they have a house there, but that is a different thing altogether.
--> Costa del Crime. At least, that is what the alarmed British people call the area. Very funny, considering it is mostly because of them that it's got that reputation.
In high-luxury places like California, every posh area has a seedy underbelly. Where there is money, there are drugs. Where there are drugs...the cycle is a long one.
It was an interesting, amusing book, which I would have liked to read in much greater detail (and while SITTING DOWN, rather than when I was trying to come up with 15000 comfortable positions while leaning against a cold hard wall), but I am still midway thru my "The Story of Spain" book, and I have promised to punch myself if I dared to buy another book. I will read it some other lifetime I suppose.
It was a terror day yesterday, not only was I knocked about 5000 times by women with GARGANTUAN ladybags (WHY DO PEOPLE NEED SUCH HUMONGOUS BAGS, how many dead bodies do they have in there??), but I was also THE UNFORTUNATE RECEIVER OF A MAN'S SENSELESS AND THOUGHTLESS SNEEZE. Nearly jumped out of my skin, that sneaky man slithered up from NOWHERE, and SNEEZED to his heart's content, and of all places he thought of to turn to, it had to be in MY DIRECTION. I leapt about 3 steps away from him, and I would have done it more gracefully and less destructively if he had not surprised me like that, because I was actually deep in thought (next time, I will make sure to only think simple thoughts on trains, no more deep thoughts!). He looked a little bit wounded, but what did he expect me to do, pat him on the back with a smile and say, "That was not powerful enough, try again?".
The hygiene levels here are absurd. It reminds me of when this woman spat ON THE FLOOR ON THE BUS, I wanted to kill myself right there. But then, I thought that was a foolish way to make a statement about cleanliness, considering I would probably make a greater mess if I did that.
ANYWAY! I just caught American Idol.
Truth be told, it bored me this week. But they should not take it that personally, I have found myself getting bored over almost everything the past few days, I think it is the scorching heat.
Yeah, there is no real connection there but never mind.
The only song I knew of this week is that "Sweet Caroline" song, and I tried to sing along with David Archu but he kept interrupting me. Sigh.
So, here is what I think, because I fancy myself a fourth American Idol judge:
1) JASON CASTROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
A little bit disappointing, and I am starting to wonder if my jinxy cursed powers are back? I started supporting him just 2 weeks ago, and that is when all the judges started to criticize him. From stellar performances to bland performances, down in one fell swoop.
I am starting to take it personally I'll say. It is like how I told my dear sibling, "Oh, I really like Thierry Henry." and BAM, he got sent off a few minutes after that.
At Leandra's house during the world cup of 2002, we were watching a US-Mexico game and I hollered, "GO MEXICOOOOOOOOOOO!" and the US scored a few seconds after.
I rest my case.
Back to Senor Castro. Well, he did better than last week I thought, and he did throw in a lot more megawatt smiles to WOW Simon off his chair (which did not work, sadly) but he ended up with burning words from all the judges. The lad looked a little bit hurt, but then he's been making a lot of strange expressions these couple of weeks...
His voice isn't strong enough. He sounds so much like somebody but I just cannot put my hand to it, I know I said Jesse McCartney before, but there is also somebody else. One of the Hanson brothers (I can never remember who is who)? The Jonas Brothers (Have I mentioned that I have no idea who is who)? The Moffatts (The only band where I can actually differentiate which brother is which, which is ironic because 3 of them are triplets)?
He has got the perfect boyband voice (I'm back to talking about Jason Castroooooooo!), with the occasional deep-breathing and everything that Justin Timberlake mastered very coolly (which I remember my mom commented on when I was 11, "Why is this Justin always breathing and panting so hard?"). Sadly, the judges didn't seem to like his whole breathing act, which I didn't really mind because it made him more, I dunno, human you know? Because all humans need to breathe at some point.
You know what, never mind.
Time to practise performing some tribal chants, Jason! He's got too sweet a voice I think, maybe he should watch how the New Zealand rugby team does their Hakka chant, THAT is the aggression I want. Although Randy, Paula and Simon might fail to agree with me. Here Jason, just in case you are severely depressed and at a loss and are, for some reason, actually reading my blog:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3K-UKp9dDFM
WATCH AND LEARN, JASON! One of them has dreadlocks, just like you!(One of the South African players looks like he's enjoying it, I would too if somebody did that to me hahahahaha.)
GREAT, now that Jonas Brothers song is in my head, I think it is that S.O.S one, HELPPPPPPP.
2) David COOK!
Am only paying attention to him because bizarre Izzah instructed me to do so, and because I feel sorry for her still slothing thru exams.
He likes to bend his knees when he sings.
Week after week after week, whenever he goes into the high "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" notes, like he is going thru some deathly ritual or as if somebody was piercing his chest with a spear, HE WOULD BEND HIS KNEES.
\ \
\ \
/_ /_
LIKE WHAT I HAVE TRIED TO DRAW ABOVE!
Yeah, that looks more like he's got Transformer legs, but that is how his legs act when he sings. I bet I am not the only one who notices such things, it is a little bit distracting because there he is with a dramatic face and wolf-like howl and then his knees are like giving way, like his bladder is too full.
Otherwise, he sings good. My candidate for American Idol, that is, if he does something about the legs.
3) Brooke...somethingsomething (I really have to check out her last name one day, as well as de la Red's first name...So many things to remember, so little brain space!)
I would really like to ignore her, because she irritates me. I did not like her first performance, I thought it was very karaoke, which was exactly what Simon said and I wanted to pat him on the back for saying it. If I were there that is.
However, credits to her for her second performance. The end.
4) David Archu (I have given up trying to figure out his last name, everytime Ryan Seacrest says it, I would try to figure out how to spell it, and then I would be distracted and miss the first part of his performance, which always explains why I never have anything much to say about his singing. So from now on, he will have to DEAL with being referred to as David Archu.)
Yes, I was not paying attention to his performances. I did, however, notice that his voice got a little bit strange on one of the notes for the second song, and I thought I saw his face TWITCH when he did that, possibly in a "oh-my-god-what-did-my-stupid-voice-just-do" kind of twitch, but maybe he twitches all the time and I was just reading too much into it. But I could have sworn I heard him go off-key at that part, and I promise you he twitched because of that.
If I see him someday, that is the first thing I will ask him. The second question I will ask him after that would be if he would let me go, because he would probably try to have me arrested for the first question.
5) Syesha (all hope is not lost, I actually remembered how to spell her name!)
She is starting to be a Brooke. Pouting at the judges when they criticize her, you know, the works. Criticism can be a terrible thing, but don't make faces or try to argue with the judges because that will only make you come across as arrogant.
I like her singing, but attitude always decides it for me.
As such, my candidate for American Idol is...DAVID COOK! Followed by...NO ONE! Followed by...ME!
Hey, one can dream yes? If there was a Boyz2Men week, I would OWN that.
Yeah, maybe not.
So, Chelsea-Liverpool tonight! I do not want to say anything, because of said jinxy cursed powers. It is obvious which team I support, and which team I find absolutely disgusting.
I will just quietly go eat my dinner now. Until later!
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Unite -- Lo-tel
Quite a favourite of mine, that song above. You know, there are certain songs that you can listen to 5 times a day and you would just feel so RECHARGED you know? Like you can blast into outer space even without a rocket. That is the effect some songs have on me.
Oh dear, do you think that is how drug addicts feel when they get high? Damn, I would recommend listening to this song by Lo-tel instead, it is not as hazardous to personal well-being at least. Though the song title sounds like a revolutionary war chant by a totalitarian pro-Mao Zedong boyband, it is really pretty much harmless.
So much has happened this week. Because I have as interesting and exciting a life as the sexy millipedes in my backyard, all the crazy things happening in the world this week obviously have nothing to do with me. As a result, this entire post will be revolving around two things: FOOTBALL and AMERICAN IDOL. Shocker.
My world is too small.
Firstly, I am confident that all of you out there, from the eskimoes of the universe to the warring tribes of Bora-Bora (there are tribes there that fight right?), know that Ronald Koeman has been sacked by Valencia.
I have things to say about that but I am frankly quite tired of talking about it. Koeman is out of my life and I click my heels in joy every 5 minutes to celebrate that.
All right, out of Valencia's life. You get my point.
Secondly, I am hearing news that a certain Adrian Gonzalez (also known as Real Madrid legend Michel's offspring) might be headed to Getafe next season. I don't know, does Getafe want to be relegated that badly?
No offense to Adrian, whom I apologize to if he happens to be reading this. Though since he clearly stated in an interview that he found reading "meaningless" (MEANINGLESS? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?), the chances of him actually reading anything more than the title of my post are relatively low.
Adrian has been tossed around from club to club like a potted plant (hell, they probably treat their potted plants with much better care), and it seems to me nothing seems to be improving. He was initially asked to join the Real Madrid team for pre-season friendlies (also known as time-wasting matches) but has since been told by Bernd Schuster to find himself some other club to occupy his time this season.
They ripped Adrian's heart out and trampled on his pride, like heartless barbarians they are. One day when I have the courage to, I will give those Real Madrid people a piece of my mind. Not that it will do anyone any good because they do not speak English. Having a translator by my side to repeat my tirade would also lower the impact of my words significantly, but I will figure something out sometime in my life.
And so Adrian sadly moved on. I think I talked about it a few posts ago, about how he moved to Celta and eventually ended up in Gimnastic de Tarragona (DO YOU SEE HOW HE IS BEING SHIPPED AROUND LIKE A CARTON OF DEAD FISH?). Now he's like a stuffed mascot travelling around with his current club, because I don't think he's playing regular football there (from what I can understand from my barely-existent knowledge of Spanish). All he seems to be doing is playing cheerleader on the bench, providing distraction with his perfect Adrian-like hair and Adrian-like pouts and dangling his Sharon-Stone-like legs on the bench, and giving sad interviews to anybody who would listen. I do not know what the deal is with him and his equally pouty father (also known as Real Madrid legend Michel, who is also known as the man who nearly ripped off Carlos Valderrama's manly tools during a match 20 years ago), but it seems like all is not going well between them either.
So now, Getafe apparently wants him.
I am, of course, delighted. Getafe is not exactly relegation-threatened, they are playing in the first division, and they made stars out of two of Adrian's ex-teammates and ex-BFFs, a certain Esteban Granero (who has INCREDIBLE fashion sense, now he is starting to adopt BLUE headbands that will go well with his blue jersey woweeeeeeeee) and a certain somethingsomething de la Red (WHAT IS HIS FIRST NAME? REMEMBER TO CHECK!).
OK, enough of Adrian. Now on to more urgent issues, like...AMERICAN IDOL!
I don't know what happened this week, because for some utterly disgusting reason, Carly was voted off. CARLY! THE ONE WITH THE BOOMBOX VOICE! THE ONE THAT I WANNA BE STUCK IN A LIFT WITH!
Not that I ever want to be stuck in a lift with anybody, or stuck in a lift PERIOD, but Carly is currently top of the list, followed very closely by Joaquin, because Joaquin looks like he tells good jokes and what a better time to do that than when we are trapped in an enclosed space?
TOP 10 PEOPLE I WANT TO BE STUCK IN A LIFT WITH:
1. Carly Smithson (Smith...SEN? WHAT IS HER NAME, REMEMBER TO CHECK!)
She will HOWL our way out of the lift, I tell ya. There is no stopping those lungs.
2. Joaquin
He is by far one of the more amusing footballers in the world today, and he looks like he has an insane sense of humour, what great fun being stuck in a lift would be!
Of course, that can easily backfire because the jokes he tell would be in Spanish, which would be completely lost on me. That is IF I DO NOT START GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP FOR SPANISH. I can understand Spanish, but only if I read it. Listening to them speak is equivalent to being stuck in a working washing machine, I will only come out of it confused.
All right, if I am stuck with Joaquin, then I have to make sure I have a pen and paper and a torchlight so that he can write out his jokes for me and so I can actually read his words in the dark.
3. Any Real Madrid person
As I have mentioned earlier, I have to direct my tirade about their treatment of Adrian to SOMEBODY, and what a great time to impart Adrian propaganda while we are stuck in a lift.
Wait a minute, what am I doing? I do not even LIKE Real Madrid. Adrian would be better off not playing for that team of white ghouls.
I am going to have to think of a new reason why I want to be stuck in a lift with a Real Madrid being. Sigh. Suddenly the thought does not exactly thrill me anymore.
4. EVER BANEGA!
It will be so fun asking him about that adult video he did. That is, before he bashes me up to death. Though that will be very risky, because he cannot effectively tell the police that he did not commit murder since it will be only him and my body in the lift when eventually we are both rescued.
Then again, it might be very dangerous being stuck with him, considering how we know he likes to shed his clothes for other people. At least that will inspire me to find an escape route much quicker than I would otherwise have if I were stuck with someone like, say, clown Joaquin.
5. Any greedy person
I assume that greedy people would have food in their bags. At least, that is what I do.
If I were stuck in a lift, the least the other person could do is comfort me by assuring me that he/she also has food in his/her bag. Then I can bring out the food that I always keep in my bag (emergency Oreo cookies, if I am dying of hunger when I am out, which is very often) and we can share our food and have a claustrophobic picnic.
Wait a minute, what am I doing? If the person is greedy, the person would eat up MY food.
Edit: Any greedy BUT KIND person.
6. Any random magician
How useful would a magician be! If I want food, I would expect the magician to somehow come up with food for me. I mean, that is partly his job, to do some fanciful magic.
7. HARRY POTTER!
NOT Daniel Radcliffe. I want the boy wizard. I think he would be more useful than anybody else above on the list actually, because I am sure Mr. Potter would get us out of the lift immediately.
However, I am putting it low on the list because I assume that Lord Voldemort would come looking for Harry, and by sheer luck, I WILL BE THERE TOO. I do not want to be at the receiving end of those unpleasant unforgivable curses, no thank you, does nobody remember how Cedric Diggory got killed?
Very dangerous, especially since I am just a stupid Muggle.
8. John Terry
I HAVE to know what it is he has been saying to Fernando Torres to upset Fernando so much. Although I will probably be arrested once we are rescued, it will be worth it.
Also, I want to ask him if David Silva can speak English, since he also tried to break Silva's legs when Chelsea played Valencia. If Silva screamed "HELP!", that means he can speak English. If Silva yelped "SOCORRO!", that means that he is pretty much useless as a human being.
I THINK it is spelt as socorro? REMEMBER TO CHECK!
9. Jason Castroooooooooo
I really want to know how dreadlocks are made. I know it will be easier going up to any random hairdresser and asking him/her, but it will be so exciting if Jason could sing out the explanation to me instead.
Besides, he can then attempt to dreadlock-dify my hair, since I have long hair too. Possibly we will be stuck in a lift for a few hours, I might as well make full use of my time.
10. Random electrician/genius/person with great interest in solving problems
It will be cool if the person I am stuck with is actually able to get us both out just by playing around with the lift buttons and things like that, but I put this bottom of the list because why would I want to hang around a random electrical person if I can instead assault John Terry or learn about dreadlocks?
HOLD IT! BACK TO AMERICAN IDOL!
So after that incredible performance this week, Carly was told to leave. WHY AMERICA WHY?
Syeeeeeeeeeeesha/Syieeeeeeeeesha/Saiyeeeeeeeeeeeeesha was also in the bottom 2, which surprised me as well. She didn't look fantastically pleased, I mean of course I wasn't expecting her to be a barrel of giggles in that situation, but sometimes it seems like she is acting as if she deserves to be in a high position. Red card for Syeeeeesha!
Brooke was safe for the week. I am not really surprised, because such things ALWAYS happen. In fact, at some point I suspected a conspiracy by Ryan Seacrest, like maybe he forgot to put on his contacts or his eyes were crossed for a millisecond and he read the names wrong, and Brooke's name looked like Carly's name and Brooke was really the one who should have gone. I have, however, given up that theory, because I have realized that Ryan Seacrest has no real reason to do anything like that, unless he is inherently cruel or just a twat.
Jason Castroooooooooooooooo was safe too, which is not much of a shocker. Hearing all these random girls screaming for him, it is no doubt that Jason has a massive fanbase. I wonder why? I mean, the dude has nice eyes yea.
But so does half the planet.
Watch some football, girls, once you see Jesus Navas, Jason Castro and his pretty eyeballs will be a distant memory.
Nothing much to say about the two Davids. David Archuwhohuh and David Cook, both were good, both deserved to be in, the world is fair sometimes, congratulations and good night.
By the way, David Archublankblank is pretty small yea? Either that or the people on the show are massive statues. He's spent much of the show communicating with other people's chests, while they responded to his scalp. I have to go see what his height is, I do understand how sad it must be being a small person in a big big world (and I mean HUGE), because I too spend half my time smiling at people's adams apples. I understand, David.
Next week is Neil Diamond week. When my parents heard that, they got very excited.
Translation: It will be as exciting as watching ice melt.
Goodnight world.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
Oh dear, do you think that is how drug addicts feel when they get high? Damn, I would recommend listening to this song by Lo-tel instead, it is not as hazardous to personal well-being at least. Though the song title sounds like a revolutionary war chant by a totalitarian pro-Mao Zedong boyband, it is really pretty much harmless.
So much has happened this week. Because I have as interesting and exciting a life as the sexy millipedes in my backyard, all the crazy things happening in the world this week obviously have nothing to do with me. As a result, this entire post will be revolving around two things: FOOTBALL and AMERICAN IDOL. Shocker.
My world is too small.
Firstly, I am confident that all of you out there, from the eskimoes of the universe to the warring tribes of Bora-Bora (there are tribes there that fight right?), know that Ronald Koeman has been sacked by Valencia.
I have things to say about that but I am frankly quite tired of talking about it. Koeman is out of my life and I click my heels in joy every 5 minutes to celebrate that.
All right, out of Valencia's life. You get my point.
Secondly, I am hearing news that a certain Adrian Gonzalez (also known as Real Madrid legend Michel's offspring) might be headed to Getafe next season. I don't know, does Getafe want to be relegated that badly?
No offense to Adrian, whom I apologize to if he happens to be reading this. Though since he clearly stated in an interview that he found reading "meaningless" (MEANINGLESS? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?), the chances of him actually reading anything more than the title of my post are relatively low.
Adrian has been tossed around from club to club like a potted plant (hell, they probably treat their potted plants with much better care), and it seems to me nothing seems to be improving. He was initially asked to join the Real Madrid team for pre-season friendlies (also known as time-wasting matches) but has since been told by Bernd Schuster to find himself some other club to occupy his time this season.
They ripped Adrian's heart out and trampled on his pride, like heartless barbarians they are. One day when I have the courage to, I will give those Real Madrid people a piece of my mind. Not that it will do anyone any good because they do not speak English. Having a translator by my side to repeat my tirade would also lower the impact of my words significantly, but I will figure something out sometime in my life.
And so Adrian sadly moved on. I think I talked about it a few posts ago, about how he moved to Celta and eventually ended up in Gimnastic de Tarragona (DO YOU SEE HOW HE IS BEING SHIPPED AROUND LIKE A CARTON OF DEAD FISH?). Now he's like a stuffed mascot travelling around with his current club, because I don't think he's playing regular football there (from what I can understand from my barely-existent knowledge of Spanish). All he seems to be doing is playing cheerleader on the bench, providing distraction with his perfect Adrian-like hair and Adrian-like pouts and dangling his Sharon-Stone-like legs on the bench, and giving sad interviews to anybody who would listen. I do not know what the deal is with him and his equally pouty father (also known as Real Madrid legend Michel, who is also known as the man who nearly ripped off Carlos Valderrama's manly tools during a match 20 years ago), but it seems like all is not going well between them either.
So now, Getafe apparently wants him.
I am, of course, delighted. Getafe is not exactly relegation-threatened, they are playing in the first division, and they made stars out of two of Adrian's ex-teammates and ex-BFFs, a certain Esteban Granero (who has INCREDIBLE fashion sense, now he is starting to adopt BLUE headbands that will go well with his blue jersey woweeeeeeeee) and a certain somethingsomething de la Red (WHAT IS HIS FIRST NAME? REMEMBER TO CHECK!).
OK, enough of Adrian. Now on to more urgent issues, like...AMERICAN IDOL!
I don't know what happened this week, because for some utterly disgusting reason, Carly was voted off. CARLY! THE ONE WITH THE BOOMBOX VOICE! THE ONE THAT I WANNA BE STUCK IN A LIFT WITH!
Not that I ever want to be stuck in a lift with anybody, or stuck in a lift PERIOD, but Carly is currently top of the list, followed very closely by Joaquin, because Joaquin looks like he tells good jokes and what a better time to do that than when we are trapped in an enclosed space?
TOP 10 PEOPLE I WANT TO BE STUCK IN A LIFT WITH:
1. Carly Smithson (Smith...SEN? WHAT IS HER NAME, REMEMBER TO CHECK!)
She will HOWL our way out of the lift, I tell ya. There is no stopping those lungs.
2. Joaquin
He is by far one of the more amusing footballers in the world today, and he looks like he has an insane sense of humour, what great fun being stuck in a lift would be!
Of course, that can easily backfire because the jokes he tell would be in Spanish, which would be completely lost on me. That is IF I DO NOT START GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP FOR SPANISH. I can understand Spanish, but only if I read it. Listening to them speak is equivalent to being stuck in a working washing machine, I will only come out of it confused.
All right, if I am stuck with Joaquin, then I have to make sure I have a pen and paper and a torchlight so that he can write out his jokes for me and so I can actually read his words in the dark.
3. Any Real Madrid person
As I have mentioned earlier, I have to direct my tirade about their treatment of Adrian to SOMEBODY, and what a great time to impart Adrian propaganda while we are stuck in a lift.
Wait a minute, what am I doing? I do not even LIKE Real Madrid. Adrian would be better off not playing for that team of white ghouls.
I am going to have to think of a new reason why I want to be stuck in a lift with a Real Madrid being. Sigh. Suddenly the thought does not exactly thrill me anymore.
4. EVER BANEGA!
It will be so fun asking him about that adult video he did. That is, before he bashes me up to death. Though that will be very risky, because he cannot effectively tell the police that he did not commit murder since it will be only him and my body in the lift when eventually we are both rescued.
Then again, it might be very dangerous being stuck with him, considering how we know he likes to shed his clothes for other people. At least that will inspire me to find an escape route much quicker than I would otherwise have if I were stuck with someone like, say, clown Joaquin.
5. Any greedy person
I assume that greedy people would have food in their bags. At least, that is what I do.
If I were stuck in a lift, the least the other person could do is comfort me by assuring me that he/she also has food in his/her bag. Then I can bring out the food that I always keep in my bag (emergency Oreo cookies, if I am dying of hunger when I am out, which is very often) and we can share our food and have a claustrophobic picnic.
Wait a minute, what am I doing? If the person is greedy, the person would eat up MY food.
Edit: Any greedy BUT KIND person.
6. Any random magician
How useful would a magician be! If I want food, I would expect the magician to somehow come up with food for me. I mean, that is partly his job, to do some fanciful magic.
7. HARRY POTTER!
NOT Daniel Radcliffe. I want the boy wizard. I think he would be more useful than anybody else above on the list actually, because I am sure Mr. Potter would get us out of the lift immediately.
However, I am putting it low on the list because I assume that Lord Voldemort would come looking for Harry, and by sheer luck, I WILL BE THERE TOO. I do not want to be at the receiving end of those unpleasant unforgivable curses, no thank you, does nobody remember how Cedric Diggory got killed?
Very dangerous, especially since I am just a stupid Muggle.
8. John Terry
I HAVE to know what it is he has been saying to Fernando Torres to upset Fernando so much. Although I will probably be arrested once we are rescued, it will be worth it.
Also, I want to ask him if David Silva can speak English, since he also tried to break Silva's legs when Chelsea played Valencia. If Silva screamed "HELP!", that means he can speak English. If Silva yelped "SOCORRO!", that means that he is pretty much useless as a human being.
I THINK it is spelt as socorro? REMEMBER TO CHECK!
9. Jason Castroooooooooo
I really want to know how dreadlocks are made. I know it will be easier going up to any random hairdresser and asking him/her, but it will be so exciting if Jason could sing out the explanation to me instead.
Besides, he can then attempt to dreadlock-dify my hair, since I have long hair too. Possibly we will be stuck in a lift for a few hours, I might as well make full use of my time.
10. Random electrician/genius/person with great interest in solving problems
It will be cool if the person I am stuck with is actually able to get us both out just by playing around with the lift buttons and things like that, but I put this bottom of the list because why would I want to hang around a random electrical person if I can instead assault John Terry or learn about dreadlocks?
HOLD IT! BACK TO AMERICAN IDOL!
So after that incredible performance this week, Carly was told to leave. WHY AMERICA WHY?
Syeeeeeeeeeeesha/Syieeeeeeeeesha/Saiyeeeeeeeeeeeeesha was also in the bottom 2, which surprised me as well. She didn't look fantastically pleased, I mean of course I wasn't expecting her to be a barrel of giggles in that situation, but sometimes it seems like she is acting as if she deserves to be in a high position. Red card for Syeeeeesha!
Brooke was safe for the week. I am not really surprised, because such things ALWAYS happen. In fact, at some point I suspected a conspiracy by Ryan Seacrest, like maybe he forgot to put on his contacts or his eyes were crossed for a millisecond and he read the names wrong, and Brooke's name looked like Carly's name and Brooke was really the one who should have gone. I have, however, given up that theory, because I have realized that Ryan Seacrest has no real reason to do anything like that, unless he is inherently cruel or just a twat.
Jason Castroooooooooooooooo was safe too, which is not much of a shocker. Hearing all these random girls screaming for him, it is no doubt that Jason has a massive fanbase. I wonder why? I mean, the dude has nice eyes yea.
But so does half the planet.
Watch some football, girls, once you see Jesus Navas, Jason Castro and his pretty eyeballs will be a distant memory.
Nothing much to say about the two Davids. David Archuwhohuh and David Cook, both were good, both deserved to be in, the world is fair sometimes, congratulations and good night.
By the way, David Archublankblank is pretty small yea? Either that or the people on the show are massive statues. He's spent much of the show communicating with other people's chests, while they responded to his scalp. I have to go see what his height is, I do understand how sad it must be being a small person in a big big world (and I mean HUGE), because I too spend half my time smiling at people's adams apples. I understand, David.
Next week is Neil Diamond week. When my parents heard that, they got very excited.
Translation: It will be as exciting as watching ice melt.
Goodnight world.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
Thursday, April 24, 2008
BIG SUR -- THE THRILLS
I've been using that as my alarm for the past couple of weeks, and now i find myself twitching or jolting uncontrollaby whenever that song comes on Pablo, my MP3 player. Sigh, this has got something to do with what we learnt in Psychology, something about conditioning and learning (conditional learning?). However, because I am incredibly stupid, I cannot remember the actual terms to diagnose my condition. I do know that this dog named Pavlov was involved though.
All right, never mind.
Wait, what? Possibly it was the experimenter that was called Pavlov and the dog was called...Dog.
NEVER MIND, I hated that chapter in Psychology, as evident in the above paragraphs. The more I hate something, the more I do not bother remembering anything about it. That, unfortunately, does not extend to people, because the more I dislike someone, the more I seem to remember that person's name.
Like John Terry, who can ever forget that man's name? After he tried to castrate one of my football favourites Fernando Torres 4 years ago in an international friendly, he has graced the most privileged Top 5 positions in my Most Hated Footballers list. Earlier this season, he was again seen galloping violently around Fernando, and they ended up in a tiny man-to-man scuffle. Don't really know what he said to Fernando, and it seemed that Fernando did not know what was said to him either (Fernando was not exactly proficient in English then, though I wonder what sort of big English words Terry used to taunt Fernando to confuse Fernando so much...).
Here are some things that Terry could have said to Fernando that threw Fernando off so much that he did not wish to relive it with the eager press:
1. I have seen better faces in my time than stands alone on any shoulder that I see before me at this instant.
Well. Terry does look like the formal sort.
2. The tartness of your face sours ripe grapes.
Not that I agree that Fernando resembles a tart, but most footballers don't eat before matches. It is thus not strange that food is the first thing they think of when they insult someone.
3. Thou smell of mountain goat.
Well, one thing is for sure, footballers don't smell like a basket of roses I daresay.
4. Thou cream-faced loon. Where got'st that goose look?
I 80% believe this was what Terry said to Fernando, because Fernando looks like he would not understand what a "loon" is, and he would probably be concerned about the "cream-faced" comment, because Fernando has a more polka-dotted skin, what with his freckles. I also do not believe that Fernando's English teacher taught him what a goose is, it is not exactly a very threatening animal that he has to beware of in Liverpool.
5. Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage! You tallow face!
Well, it makes more sense for referees to say something like that to players they are sending off. I am just putting it on this list because I quite like this quote. I mean, how anyone could ever come up with that when they are furious is beyond me. I should probably try that out when I am pissed off with someone one day, but that someone would probably respond with a "huh?" and totally ruin the flow of the argument.
6. Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.
Now THIS seems more likely. Terry does look like he can be very dramatic sometimes, yes?
7. My tongue will tell the anger of my heart.
Terry did look downright outraged there, and so did Fernando, but sadly there is no Spanish poetry that Fernando could quote from to impress Terry with.
8. You have not as much brain as ear-wax.
Fernando's ears ARE quite large.
9. There's a man hath more hair than wit.
Fernado's hair IS quite long.
10. Thou hast no more brain that I have in mine elbows.
Well, Terry WAS gesturing wildly all over the place, so this is quite likely too.
11. Heaven truly knows that thou are as false as hell.
85% likely that this was what Terry said to Fernando, it was after Fernando sort of dived, if I am not wrong.
Trust Othello to come up with something like that, I remember having to write an entire essay on his use of heaven and hell imagery, thanks to his flowery pompous use of words.
12. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.
Hey, you never know what Fernando first said to Terry.
13. Bloody, bawdy villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!
There is probably not a single word that Fernando would understand in that, which makes it 90% likely that Terry declared this in his face.
14. From the extremest upward of thy head to the descent and dust beneath thy foot, a most toad spotted traitor.
I think Terry would be better off directing this to Ashley Cole, but maybe he was practising it on Fernando first to test out his reaction. No wonder Fernando was confused.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, John Terry is English after all. I expect he has been properly educated in the studies of a certain fellow countryman William Shakespeare. He died today I think. Shakespeare, not Terry. As much as I dislike the man, he can be useful in entertaining me. Don't really wish him dead!
ENOUGH ABOUT JOHN TERRY. For someone I do not like, that is one hell of a long post. Imagine how long it will be for someone whose presence and existence I do not actually mind.
I have been watching more TV of late, because me has finished the dreaded exams. Just last week actually, and already I am receiving gleeful emails from my professors delightfully proclaiming that grades are out. It would KILL them to contain their excitement and wait for a few more weeks before telling us our grades, wouldn't it?
Analytical Skills and Creative Thinking. Quite contented, no complaints there. End of story good night.
On another more pleasant note, I have found myself, gasp, actually watching AMERICAN IDOL.
Yes, I did scoff haughtily at Bizarre Izzah for still watching that. However, it has proven to not be that much of a waste of time and energy. There are 6 of them left now, let's look at them shall we?
1. Syeeeeeeeeeeesha. Syeisha? Something along those lines.
Don't know much about her, sings well, big voice, great look, seems considerably okay as a person.
Moving on.
2. Jason Castroooooooooooooooooooooo!
Ahhh. Fidel's long-lost lovechild maybe? If so, Fidel would be appalled that Jason is very much a peace-loving "make love not war" hippie, or seems to be, which conflicts very much with Fidel's past cries for revolution in Cuba.
Serious now.
When I first saw him, all I could see was dreadlocks. And a soft voice struggling to be heard in that mountain of hair.
His voice is still soft. But at the risk of sounding like a FANGIRL, Jason actually has incredible eyes. Like Jesus Navas, whose picture is swimming somewhere below in one of my previous posts. It is a Texan thing, I think, like a law for people to have pretty eyes. The Texan people I know of have really nice eyes. Like Alexis Bledel, and...Jason. Okay, that is TWO people, but that counts for something.
So. His voice isn't as AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH as the rest of them idols, it's more like, I don't know, teenybopper, he is like Jesse McCartney sans blonde hair/Aaron-Carter-features.
I think he will last, mostly because he has tween fans, I should think. CMON, if ME at the ripe old age of TWENTY can admit to having fangirl tendencies towards Jason, I can bet you another million people under the age of 15 fancy his eyelashes.
3. Brooke something something.
I am ashamed that I cannot remember the girls' names, it is just that they are not as attention-grabbing as the men, I am absolved of all blame.
A beautiful lady I daresay, but she is in danger of being kicked out. Stumbled in today's performance, she forgot the lyrics. That I can sympathize, because the lady looked so traumatized, I don't think she can ever get over that. In my very humble opinion however, the lady seems too defensive at times, which is natural of course, but I think playing it cool would make her more endearing.
4. David Archu-something.
YESSSS it is not just the girls' names I forget, I can never remember what this boy's last name is.
He is always smiling. He looks like he will chuckle bashfully even if somebody was heading towards him with a hedge-clipper.
He has many fans. And when I say many, I really mean MAANNNNNNNYYYYYY. Granted, he is a young boy, all those tweens not supporting Jason Castroooooooo would be supporting David Archufillintheblank.
Quite like him though, seems to really want it, quite an AHHHHH voice too. He might be TOO nice however, very few famous people are nice.
Except David Silva (who might be leaving Valencia, which suddenly makes him not very nice anymore, but I will save that story for Christmastime).
5. Carly Smith...son?
Really testing my memory here. Carly Smithson sounds normal enough, I am not clever enough to create a name out of nothing, so that should be her actual name.
I quite like her, I am quite gunning for her. If I were stuck in a lift, I would like to be stuck in a lift with her. Can you imagine, I need not even have to press the emergency button, all Carly has to do is YOWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL and people in Alaska would be able to hear her cry for help.
She has an AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH voice.
Her tattoos are fascinating too. A bit too much obviously, but have you SEEN her HUSBAND? WOW, if I didn't know any better, I would be wondering if he was even born with skin.
6. David Cooooooook.
A good singer, quite like him too. Seems like quite a boring individual (no offense to Mr. Cook, if you happen to be reading this, though you should not even be wasting time on this, you should be singing!). I mean, he looks like the sort who would read bedtime stories to his cat next to a fireplace in a dimly-lit room with a few candles...I have the most random imagination in the world, sorry about that.
He likes Our Lady Peace though. Of all songs he had to choose "Innocent", which is one of my least favourite songs, but he is emotionally connected to that for some reason. Maybe he murdered someone before and now regrets it?
Otherwise, I think he might go far too. For Jason Castroooooo and David Archuwhatwhat, they have tweens on their side. For Lord Cook however, I think he's got mothers on his side. Seems like he's got a fanbase of 50-year-olds, which is quite sad really. Maybe he should get some dreadlocks and perpetually smile like his counterparts?
Okay goodnight earthlings.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
All right, never mind.
Wait, what? Possibly it was the experimenter that was called Pavlov and the dog was called...Dog.
NEVER MIND, I hated that chapter in Psychology, as evident in the above paragraphs. The more I hate something, the more I do not bother remembering anything about it. That, unfortunately, does not extend to people, because the more I dislike someone, the more I seem to remember that person's name.
Like John Terry, who can ever forget that man's name? After he tried to castrate one of my football favourites Fernando Torres 4 years ago in an international friendly, he has graced the most privileged Top 5 positions in my Most Hated Footballers list. Earlier this season, he was again seen galloping violently around Fernando, and they ended up in a tiny man-to-man scuffle. Don't really know what he said to Fernando, and it seemed that Fernando did not know what was said to him either (Fernando was not exactly proficient in English then, though I wonder what sort of big English words Terry used to taunt Fernando to confuse Fernando so much...).
Here are some things that Terry could have said to Fernando that threw Fernando off so much that he did not wish to relive it with the eager press:
1. I have seen better faces in my time than stands alone on any shoulder that I see before me at this instant.
Well. Terry does look like the formal sort.
2. The tartness of your face sours ripe grapes.
Not that I agree that Fernando resembles a tart, but most footballers don't eat before matches. It is thus not strange that food is the first thing they think of when they insult someone.
3. Thou smell of mountain goat.
Well, one thing is for sure, footballers don't smell like a basket of roses I daresay.
4. Thou cream-faced loon. Where got'st that goose look?
I 80% believe this was what Terry said to Fernando, because Fernando looks like he would not understand what a "loon" is, and he would probably be concerned about the "cream-faced" comment, because Fernando has a more polka-dotted skin, what with his freckles. I also do not believe that Fernando's English teacher taught him what a goose is, it is not exactly a very threatening animal that he has to beware of in Liverpool.
5. Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage! You tallow face!
Well, it makes more sense for referees to say something like that to players they are sending off. I am just putting it on this list because I quite like this quote. I mean, how anyone could ever come up with that when they are furious is beyond me. I should probably try that out when I am pissed off with someone one day, but that someone would probably respond with a "huh?" and totally ruin the flow of the argument.
6. Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.
Now THIS seems more likely. Terry does look like he can be very dramatic sometimes, yes?
7. My tongue will tell the anger of my heart.
Terry did look downright outraged there, and so did Fernando, but sadly there is no Spanish poetry that Fernando could quote from to impress Terry with.
8. You have not as much brain as ear-wax.
Fernando's ears ARE quite large.
9. There's a man hath more hair than wit.
Fernado's hair IS quite long.
10. Thou hast no more brain that I have in mine elbows.
Well, Terry WAS gesturing wildly all over the place, so this is quite likely too.
11. Heaven truly knows that thou are as false as hell.
85% likely that this was what Terry said to Fernando, it was after Fernando sort of dived, if I am not wrong.
Trust Othello to come up with something like that, I remember having to write an entire essay on his use of heaven and hell imagery, thanks to his flowery pompous use of words.
12. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.
Hey, you never know what Fernando first said to Terry.
13. Bloody, bawdy villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindless villain!
There is probably not a single word that Fernando would understand in that, which makes it 90% likely that Terry declared this in his face.
14. From the extremest upward of thy head to the descent and dust beneath thy foot, a most toad spotted traitor.
I think Terry would be better off directing this to Ashley Cole, but maybe he was practising it on Fernando first to test out his reaction. No wonder Fernando was confused.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, John Terry is English after all. I expect he has been properly educated in the studies of a certain fellow countryman William Shakespeare. He died today I think. Shakespeare, not Terry. As much as I dislike the man, he can be useful in entertaining me. Don't really wish him dead!
ENOUGH ABOUT JOHN TERRY. For someone I do not like, that is one hell of a long post. Imagine how long it will be for someone whose presence and existence I do not actually mind.
I have been watching more TV of late, because me has finished the dreaded exams. Just last week actually, and already I am receiving gleeful emails from my professors delightfully proclaiming that grades are out. It would KILL them to contain their excitement and wait for a few more weeks before telling us our grades, wouldn't it?
Analytical Skills and Creative Thinking. Quite contented, no complaints there. End of story good night.
On another more pleasant note, I have found myself, gasp, actually watching AMERICAN IDOL.
Yes, I did scoff haughtily at Bizarre Izzah for still watching that. However, it has proven to not be that much of a waste of time and energy. There are 6 of them left now, let's look at them shall we?
1. Syeeeeeeeeeeesha. Syeisha? Something along those lines.
Don't know much about her, sings well, big voice, great look, seems considerably okay as a person.
Moving on.
2. Jason Castroooooooooooooooooooooo!
Ahhh. Fidel's long-lost lovechild maybe? If so, Fidel would be appalled that Jason is very much a peace-loving "make love not war" hippie, or seems to be, which conflicts very much with Fidel's past cries for revolution in Cuba.
Serious now.
When I first saw him, all I could see was dreadlocks. And a soft voice struggling to be heard in that mountain of hair.
His voice is still soft. But at the risk of sounding like a FANGIRL, Jason actually has incredible eyes. Like Jesus Navas, whose picture is swimming somewhere below in one of my previous posts. It is a Texan thing, I think, like a law for people to have pretty eyes. The Texan people I know of have really nice eyes. Like Alexis Bledel, and...Jason. Okay, that is TWO people, but that counts for something.
So. His voice isn't as AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH as the rest of them idols, it's more like, I don't know, teenybopper, he is like Jesse McCartney sans blonde hair/Aaron-Carter-features.
I think he will last, mostly because he has tween fans, I should think. CMON, if ME at the ripe old age of TWENTY can admit to having fangirl tendencies towards Jason, I can bet you another million people under the age of 15 fancy his eyelashes.
3. Brooke something something.
I am ashamed that I cannot remember the girls' names, it is just that they are not as attention-grabbing as the men, I am absolved of all blame.
A beautiful lady I daresay, but she is in danger of being kicked out. Stumbled in today's performance, she forgot the lyrics. That I can sympathize, because the lady looked so traumatized, I don't think she can ever get over that. In my very humble opinion however, the lady seems too defensive at times, which is natural of course, but I think playing it cool would make her more endearing.
4. David Archu-something.
YESSSS it is not just the girls' names I forget, I can never remember what this boy's last name is.
He is always smiling. He looks like he will chuckle bashfully even if somebody was heading towards him with a hedge-clipper.
He has many fans. And when I say many, I really mean MAANNNNNNNYYYYYY. Granted, he is a young boy, all those tweens not supporting Jason Castroooooooo would be supporting David Archufillintheblank.
Quite like him though, seems to really want it, quite an AHHHHH voice too. He might be TOO nice however, very few famous people are nice.
Except David Silva (who might be leaving Valencia, which suddenly makes him not very nice anymore, but I will save that story for Christmastime).
5. Carly Smith...son?
Really testing my memory here. Carly Smithson sounds normal enough, I am not clever enough to create a name out of nothing, so that should be her actual name.
I quite like her, I am quite gunning for her. If I were stuck in a lift, I would like to be stuck in a lift with her. Can you imagine, I need not even have to press the emergency button, all Carly has to do is YOWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL and people in Alaska would be able to hear her cry for help.
She has an AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH voice.
Her tattoos are fascinating too. A bit too much obviously, but have you SEEN her HUSBAND? WOW, if I didn't know any better, I would be wondering if he was even born with skin.
6. David Cooooooook.
A good singer, quite like him too. Seems like quite a boring individual (no offense to Mr. Cook, if you happen to be reading this, though you should not even be wasting time on this, you should be singing!). I mean, he looks like the sort who would read bedtime stories to his cat next to a fireplace in a dimly-lit room with a few candles...I have the most random imagination in the world, sorry about that.
He likes Our Lady Peace though. Of all songs he had to choose "Innocent", which is one of my least favourite songs, but he is emotionally connected to that for some reason. Maybe he murdered someone before and now regrets it?
Otherwise, I think he might go far too. For Jason Castroooooo and David Archuwhatwhat, they have tweens on their side. For Lord Cook however, I think he's got mothers on his side. Seems like he's got a fanbase of 50-year-olds, which is quite sad really. Maybe he should get some dreadlocks and perpetually smile like his counterparts?
Okay goodnight earthlings.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Part II of Futbol Analytical Skills
Because I am a slob who does not wish to get started on Robert Putnam's thrilling tales about politics, I will continue to preach what I have learnt in Analytical Skills to all who are concerned.
Why do I hear a bird in my house? Better go check.
Sound has stopped. Must be the neighbours pretending to be birds again.
FALLACY 9: APPEAL TO AUTHORITY
Somebody of authority says something that might be contentious
For example:
Rafael Benitez said that Fernando Torres has nice legs, so we must believe him.
Now, I would probably not fight this claim if Rafa did say anything like that. Although Fernando's legs are a little too long, like a pelican's.
Pelicans can be cool, with their beaks and all.
I would put up a lovely picture of Fernando's legs if anybody wants though. Not that I have any, I don't think I have a "Footballers' Legs" folder in my computer.
FALLACY 10: APPEAL TO IGNORANCE
It has never been shown that P...
-->P is not true.
OH MY GOD NOW I KNOW WHY IM HEARING BIRD SOUNDS IN MY HOUSE.
HOW was I supposed to know that my COUSIN is IN MY HOUSE, I thought everybody had gone out.
Scared me out of my mind when he appeared right next to me just as I was deeply enlightening myself with fallacies. Thought it was a very calm and peaceful burglar, but it turned out to be MY COUSIN.
GAH how embarrassing, and I thought I had the house to myself so I just spent the last 10 minutes belting out Boyz2Men hits.
ARGH.
Anyway, back to the fallacies. Sigh.
What is he DOING downstairs, de-feathering the neighbourhood birds? Strange dude he is.
OKAY. BACK TO WORK.
For example:
There have been no known pictures of Sergio Ramos with short hair.
--> Sergio Ramos was born with long hair.
Now, honestly I have never seen Ramos with short hair. I wonder sometimes.
For the Ramos-impaired, google him. I am tired of putting up pictures.
FALLACY 11: APPEAL TO PITY
Pity is evoked to establish a logically unrelated conclusion.
For example:
Ever Banega is being laughed at by everybody because of his adult video.
--> We should not condemn his pornographic actions.
Awww, I would fall for that fallacy anytime. If you had seen how melancholic Banega looked the entire two weeks he was in the news for his adult video, your heart would weep too.
To be honest, everybody was fairly amused with him and I think Banega made lots of friends in the Valencia dressing room, though I know nobody in the Valencian team would exchange MSN contacts with him, who knows what webcam activity he'd hook up this time?
Here is a video of our lovely Joaquin and his reaction to Banega's adult film controversy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGWPh-kPr6M
There is a better video out there, but I am afraid to youtube Banega's name any further.
FALLACY 12: APPEAL TO POPULARITY
Many people believe that P...
--> P is true.
For example:
Many people find Kaka attractive.
--> Kaka must be attractive.
Well, I am only putting this up as a fallacy because I find it gravely disturbing that girls watch football because of this creature.
He plays for Milan, he helps Milan, that's all I like him for.
As soon as he leaves Milan, I will possibly break his nose.
FALLACY 13: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- ABUSIVE
There is something bad about X.
--> X must be wrong in his arguments.
For example:
Ronald Koeman: I like David Silva.
Skeptical Football Fan: Koeman is a lousy manager, so whatever he says must not be true. David Silva must be a lousy player.
COME ON. The statement "David Silva must be a lousy player" is fallacious on its own already.
FALLACY 14: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- APPEAL TO EXPLANATION
It can be explained why X argues this way.
--> Whatever X says is wrong.
For example:
Arsene Wenger believes that Liverpool did not deserve that penalty. He is only saying that because his team was disadvantaged and crashed out of the Champions League because of that penalty decision.
--> Wenger is dead wrong in his assessment.
Well. That "is it or is it not a penalty" argument is still being violently discussed in the footballing world.
If they paid that same amount of attention to worldly matters like poverty, we might start seeing some societal improvements.
FALLACY 15: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- YOU TOO
You do it too.
--> It is all right to do that.
For example:
Alex Ferguson: Liverpool should not complain that Javier Mascherano's red card was unjustified.
Rafael Benitez: You complain too when your players get sent off, so you make absolutely no sense.
They did not exactly say this, but looking at the way they looked at each other, you can just TELL what their eyes were saying. And I don't think it was anything along the lines of "Fergie looks hot in tweed" or "Rafa oozes appeal with that face hair".
Rafa looks nice with his face hair though.
FALLACY 16: FALSE CAUSE (POST-HOC)
After a certain event, something happens. That something is attributed to the event.
For example:
After David Villa patted David Silva on the head, Silva scored.
--> David Villa should always pat David Silva on the head so Silva can score.
If only scoring goals were that simple.
FALLACY 17: FALSE CAUSE (CUM-HOC)
Correlation between two events does not mean that there is a cause-and-effect relationship
For example:
Lots of good footballers have children out of wedlock.
--> All budding footballers should have children out of wedlock, so they will be good.
Quite an amazing number of footballers actually. Raul, Steven Gerrard...
That is all I can think of right now. But it really is an amazing number.
FALLACY 18: HASTY GENERALIZATION
Sample is unrepresentative as it is too small
For example:
Luis Figo and Fernando Morientes have hairy chests.
--> All footballers like to have hair on their chests.
For the record, I did not go out looking for Figo's and Morientes' chests. It was an accidental discovery.
Some discoveries are best kept undiscovered. Those chests ought to only have been seen by Mrs. Figo and Mrs. Morientes.
FALLACY 19: BY COMPOSITION
Each part of X has this property.
--> X has this property.
For example:
Silva is made up of atoms.
Atoms vibrate.
--> Silva vibrates all the time.
He is quite jumpy sometimes.
FALLACY 20: BY DIVISION
X has this property.
--> Each part of X has this property.
For example:
Adrian Gonzalez is a very handsome player.
His bones must also be very handsome.
I am human. I admit Adrian Gonzalez is probably more useful as a model than a footballer.
Can't wait to see how HANDSOME his liver looks.
FALLACY 21: SLIPPERY SLOPE (CAUSAL)
Something will trigger off a chain reaction which will lead to eventual disaster
For example:
If Valencia continues to lose, the club will be at the bottom of the league.
Valencia will then be relegated.
Valencia will then become poor.
Valencia's players will then be driven to insanity.
--> Valencia will then be closed down by the Spanish government.
Actually, I fear more about how fans like ME will be driven to insanity.
But see? That is a common fear that we Valencia fans have.
People are home! Have to start looking like I am doing actual work now. Goodbye world.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
Why do I hear a bird in my house? Better go check.
Sound has stopped. Must be the neighbours pretending to be birds again.
FALLACY 9: APPEAL TO AUTHORITY
Somebody of authority says something that might be contentious
For example:
Rafael Benitez said that Fernando Torres has nice legs, so we must believe him.
Now, I would probably not fight this claim if Rafa did say anything like that. Although Fernando's legs are a little too long, like a pelican's.
Pelicans can be cool, with their beaks and all.
I would put up a lovely picture of Fernando's legs if anybody wants though. Not that I have any, I don't think I have a "Footballers' Legs" folder in my computer.
FALLACY 10: APPEAL TO IGNORANCE
It has never been shown that P...
-->P is not true.
OH MY GOD NOW I KNOW WHY IM HEARING BIRD SOUNDS IN MY HOUSE.
HOW was I supposed to know that my COUSIN is IN MY HOUSE, I thought everybody had gone out.
Scared me out of my mind when he appeared right next to me just as I was deeply enlightening myself with fallacies. Thought it was a very calm and peaceful burglar, but it turned out to be MY COUSIN.
GAH how embarrassing, and I thought I had the house to myself so I just spent the last 10 minutes belting out Boyz2Men hits.
ARGH.
Anyway, back to the fallacies. Sigh.
What is he DOING downstairs, de-feathering the neighbourhood birds? Strange dude he is.
OKAY. BACK TO WORK.
For example:
There have been no known pictures of Sergio Ramos with short hair.
--> Sergio Ramos was born with long hair.
Now, honestly I have never seen Ramos with short hair. I wonder sometimes.
For the Ramos-impaired, google him. I am tired of putting up pictures.
FALLACY 11: APPEAL TO PITY
Pity is evoked to establish a logically unrelated conclusion.
For example:
Ever Banega is being laughed at by everybody because of his adult video.
--> We should not condemn his pornographic actions.
Awww, I would fall for that fallacy anytime. If you had seen how melancholic Banega looked the entire two weeks he was in the news for his adult video, your heart would weep too.
To be honest, everybody was fairly amused with him and I think Banega made lots of friends in the Valencia dressing room, though I know nobody in the Valencian team would exchange MSN contacts with him, who knows what webcam activity he'd hook up this time?
Here is a video of our lovely Joaquin and his reaction to Banega's adult film controversy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGWPh-kPr6M
There is a better video out there, but I am afraid to youtube Banega's name any further.
FALLACY 12: APPEAL TO POPULARITY
Many people believe that P...
--> P is true.
For example:
Many people find Kaka attractive.
--> Kaka must be attractive.
Well, I am only putting this up as a fallacy because I find it gravely disturbing that girls watch football because of this creature.
He plays for Milan, he helps Milan, that's all I like him for.
As soon as he leaves Milan, I will possibly break his nose.
FALLACY 13: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- ABUSIVE
There is something bad about X.
--> X must be wrong in his arguments.
For example:
Ronald Koeman: I like David Silva.
Skeptical Football Fan: Koeman is a lousy manager, so whatever he says must not be true. David Silva must be a lousy player.
COME ON. The statement "David Silva must be a lousy player" is fallacious on its own already.
FALLACY 14: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- APPEAL TO EXPLANATION
It can be explained why X argues this way.
--> Whatever X says is wrong.
For example:
Arsene Wenger believes that Liverpool did not deserve that penalty. He is only saying that because his team was disadvantaged and crashed out of the Champions League because of that penalty decision.
--> Wenger is dead wrong in his assessment.
Well. That "is it or is it not a penalty" argument is still being violently discussed in the footballing world.
If they paid that same amount of attention to worldly matters like poverty, we might start seeing some societal improvements.
FALLACY 15: ARGUMENT AGAINST THE PERSON -- YOU TOO
You do it too.
--> It is all right to do that.
For example:
Alex Ferguson: Liverpool should not complain that Javier Mascherano's red card was unjustified.
Rafael Benitez: You complain too when your players get sent off, so you make absolutely no sense.
They did not exactly say this, but looking at the way they looked at each other, you can just TELL what their eyes were saying. And I don't think it was anything along the lines of "Fergie looks hot in tweed" or "Rafa oozes appeal with that face hair".
Rafa looks nice with his face hair though.
FALLACY 16: FALSE CAUSE (POST-HOC)
After a certain event, something happens. That something is attributed to the event.
For example:
After David Villa patted David Silva on the head, Silva scored.
--> David Villa should always pat David Silva on the head so Silva can score.
If only scoring goals were that simple.
FALLACY 17: FALSE CAUSE (CUM-HOC)
Correlation between two events does not mean that there is a cause-and-effect relationship
For example:
Lots of good footballers have children out of wedlock.
--> All budding footballers should have children out of wedlock, so they will be good.
Quite an amazing number of footballers actually. Raul, Steven Gerrard...
That is all I can think of right now. But it really is an amazing number.
FALLACY 18: HASTY GENERALIZATION
Sample is unrepresentative as it is too small
For example:
Luis Figo and Fernando Morientes have hairy chests.
--> All footballers like to have hair on their chests.
For the record, I did not go out looking for Figo's and Morientes' chests. It was an accidental discovery.
Some discoveries are best kept undiscovered. Those chests ought to only have been seen by Mrs. Figo and Mrs. Morientes.
FALLACY 19: BY COMPOSITION
Each part of X has this property.
--> X has this property.
For example:
Silva is made up of atoms.
Atoms vibrate.
--> Silva vibrates all the time.
He is quite jumpy sometimes.
FALLACY 20: BY DIVISION
X has this property.
--> Each part of X has this property.
For example:
Adrian Gonzalez is a very handsome player.
His bones must also be very handsome.
I am human. I admit Adrian Gonzalez is probably more useful as a model than a footballer.
Can't wait to see how HANDSOME his liver looks.
FALLACY 21: SLIPPERY SLOPE (CAUSAL)
Something will trigger off a chain reaction which will lead to eventual disaster
For example:
If Valencia continues to lose, the club will be at the bottom of the league.
Valencia will then be relegated.
Valencia will then become poor.
Valencia's players will then be driven to insanity.
--> Valencia will then be closed down by the Spanish government.
Actually, I fear more about how fans like ME will be driven to insanity.
But see? That is a common fear that we Valencia fans have.
People are home! Have to start looking like I am doing actual work now. Goodbye world.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
Futbol Analytical Skills
Greetings.
I was ready to slice my head off with a penknife looking at all those fallacies and mountain-loads of examples given (I have a small head).
Then, I came up with a DING-DING-DING-DING plan!
Because I am stupid and I only listen to myself, I have decided to take matters into my own hands and instead come up with my own examples to help me with those Analytical Skills fallacies.
Here it goes. I hope I do those fallacy-creators justice by getting the fallacies RIGHT. I have a sinking feeling that some fallacies have been distorted, by me unfortunately. If anybody comes across this and is deeply flabbergasted by some glaring mistakes I have made, it would not be very kind to aim missiles at my home. I am a simple human being with a disturbingly simple brain, therefore I can only come up with simple theories.
FALLACY 1: BEGGING THE QUESTION -- OMISSION OF PREMISE
Premise is needed to derive a valid conclusion.
For example:
David Silva is a good player.
--> It is foolish to sell David Silva.
For the football-impaired, footballers are traded around and sold like a sack of potatoes. It is a very normal phenomenon.
However, there is a missing premise.
David Silva is a good player.
IT IS FOOLISH TO SELL GOOD PLAYERS.
--> It is foolish to sell David Silva.
Ahhh that's better. I will send the above statements to Valencia in a little while, so the president and the sporting director see how important Silva is to the team. There is no way they would not be able to understand my CLEARLY-ARGUED statements.
Oh except for the fact that they do not understand English.
FALLACY 2: BEGGING THE QUESTION -- BY RESTATEMENT
In this one, it means that the reason and the conclusion given are similar. There is no imagination in the arguer's brain, to put it simply.
For example:
We lost because we did not win.
Mind you, this excuse is always given by managers and footballers, including one man named Ronaldo. The unfortunate Brazilian one, I mean. However, it will be a matter of time before the Portuguese one says something ridiculous like that as well.
There are TWO other Begging the Question fallacies: By Circular Chain and By Inferential Circularity. However, I was unable to come up with anything remotely intelligent for those two. So, figure that out yourselves people.
FALLACY 3: FALSE DICHOTOMY -- BY NON-EXHAUSTION
Either P or Q
It is not P
--> It is Q
People assume that there are only two choices here. However, there can always be a third choice.
For example:
You either like Real Madrid or Barcelona.
You do not like Real Madrid.
--> You like Barcelona.
NO WAY! I LIKE SEVILLA!
Oh, and Valencia.
And Atletico de Madrid!
Just not Barcelona.
FALLACY 4: FALSE DICHOTOMY -- BY NON-EXCLUSION
Either P or Q
It is P
--> It is not Q
Again, people do not realize that there is, GASP, the possibility that it can be P AND Q.
For example:
You either like Jesus Navas for his skills or for his eyes.
You like Jesus Navas for his skills.
--> You do not like his eyes.
HEY! I like Jesus Navas for his skills AND eyes.
He has stunning eyes by the way. They are green.
If he lived with Shakespeare, he would be accused of being perpetually jealous.
Sigh, for those Literature-impaired, "green-eyed monster" means jealousy. Othello was very fond of that particular emotion.
Here is Green Eyes for you. Well they do not look particularly green there. It is most obvious when he is staring into the camera, or when he is standing next to grass, but I do not have such pictures at the mo.
FALLACY 5: Complex Question
Assumption is made in the phrasing of the question.
For example:
Has Cristiano stopped thinking highly of himself?
Here, we assume that Cristiano has always thought highly of himself.
And we know that is not a fair claim, eh?
FALLACY 6: MISSING THE POINT
Premises lead to conclusion X.
However, conclusion Y is drawn.
For example:
Esteban Granero has the curliest hair I have ever seen on a footballer.
--> Esteban Granero should leave Real Madrid.
WOAH! Hang in there! That is TOTALLY MISSING THE POINT!
Though both statements are very very true and very very sound, there is no link there. The correct conclusion should be as follows.
Esteban Granero has the curliest hair I have ever seen on a footballer.
--> Esteban Granero should straighten his hair.
The conclusion here is more valid, though it is not sound.
I do not wish to imagine how Granero would look with straight hair.
Although the picture here does not indicate so, Granero is really quite a nice and sane man.
FALLACY 7: RED HERRING
Irrelevant issue is brought up to divert attention.
For example:
Silva: Cristiano, I think you are not as great as you think.
Cristiano: Pish-posh. I have hair that is much greater than your mushroom head.
Silva will now DIVERT HIS ATTENTION to his mushroom head.
See how SLY Cristiano is? He cannot give sufficient reasons as to why he thinks he is great. Instead, he attacks a stricken Silva and his mushroom head.
Silva and his mushroom head.
FALLACY 8: STRAW MAN
Misrepresentation of opponent's argument. Person often ends up attacking the extremes, which is not true of the opponent's argument.
For example:
Koeman: I feel that Valencia fans ought to be partially responsible for the dismal performances of the team this season. If they can just stop waving white handkerchiefs and calling for my head, the players would not be so distracted all the time.
Head of Valencia Mafia and Ultras: HOW DARE KOEMAN SAY WE ARE TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG THIS SEASON, THAT WE ARE AT FAULT FOR ALL OF VALENCIA'S LOSSES? What a twat, he is definitely wrong!
And that is how major wars get started. Because of misrepresentation.
By the way, I do not like Koeman.
There is some truth in that example, Koeman has blamed us sometimes. I think he is running out of things to blame though, next week he might blame the cafeteria lady for making the players fat.
And that is it for now. Food beckons.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
I was ready to slice my head off with a penknife looking at all those fallacies and mountain-loads of examples given (I have a small head).
Then, I came up with a DING-DING-DING-DING plan!
Because I am stupid and I only listen to myself, I have decided to take matters into my own hands and instead come up with my own examples to help me with those Analytical Skills fallacies.
Here it goes. I hope I do those fallacy-creators justice by getting the fallacies RIGHT. I have a sinking feeling that some fallacies have been distorted, by me unfortunately. If anybody comes across this and is deeply flabbergasted by some glaring mistakes I have made, it would not be very kind to aim missiles at my home. I am a simple human being with a disturbingly simple brain, therefore I can only come up with simple theories.
FALLACY 1: BEGGING THE QUESTION -- OMISSION OF PREMISE
Premise is needed to derive a valid conclusion.
For example:
David Silva is a good player.
--> It is foolish to sell David Silva.
For the football-impaired, footballers are traded around and sold like a sack of potatoes. It is a very normal phenomenon.
However, there is a missing premise.
David Silva is a good player.
IT IS FOOLISH TO SELL GOOD PLAYERS.
--> It is foolish to sell David Silva.
Ahhh that's better. I will send the above statements to Valencia in a little while, so the president and the sporting director see how important Silva is to the team. There is no way they would not be able to understand my CLEARLY-ARGUED statements.
Oh except for the fact that they do not understand English.
FALLACY 2: BEGGING THE QUESTION -- BY RESTATEMENT
In this one, it means that the reason and the conclusion given are similar. There is no imagination in the arguer's brain, to put it simply.
For example:
We lost because we did not win.
Mind you, this excuse is always given by managers and footballers, including one man named Ronaldo. The unfortunate Brazilian one, I mean. However, it will be a matter of time before the Portuguese one says something ridiculous like that as well.
There are TWO other Begging the Question fallacies: By Circular Chain and By Inferential Circularity. However, I was unable to come up with anything remotely intelligent for those two. So, figure that out yourselves people.
FALLACY 3: FALSE DICHOTOMY -- BY NON-EXHAUSTION
Either P or Q
It is not P
--> It is Q
People assume that there are only two choices here. However, there can always be a third choice.
For example:
You either like Real Madrid or Barcelona.
You do not like Real Madrid.
--> You like Barcelona.
NO WAY! I LIKE SEVILLA!
Oh, and Valencia.
And Atletico de Madrid!
Just not Barcelona.
FALLACY 4: FALSE DICHOTOMY -- BY NON-EXCLUSION
Either P or Q
It is P
--> It is not Q
Again, people do not realize that there is, GASP, the possibility that it can be P AND Q.
For example:
You either like Jesus Navas for his skills or for his eyes.
You like Jesus Navas for his skills.
--> You do not like his eyes.
HEY! I like Jesus Navas for his skills AND eyes.
He has stunning eyes by the way. They are green.
If he lived with Shakespeare, he would be accused of being perpetually jealous.
Sigh, for those Literature-impaired, "green-eyed monster" means jealousy. Othello was very fond of that particular emotion.
Here is Green Eyes for you. Well they do not look particularly green there. It is most obvious when he is staring into the camera, or when he is standing next to grass, but I do not have such pictures at the mo.
FALLACY 5: Complex Question
Assumption is made in the phrasing of the question.
For example:
Has Cristiano stopped thinking highly of himself?
Here, we assume that Cristiano has always thought highly of himself.
And we know that is not a fair claim, eh?
FALLACY 6: MISSING THE POINT
Premises lead to conclusion X.
However, conclusion Y is drawn.
For example:
Esteban Granero has the curliest hair I have ever seen on a footballer.
--> Esteban Granero should leave Real Madrid.
WOAH! Hang in there! That is TOTALLY MISSING THE POINT!
Though both statements are very very true and very very sound, there is no link there. The correct conclusion should be as follows.
Esteban Granero has the curliest hair I have ever seen on a footballer.
--> Esteban Granero should straighten his hair.
The conclusion here is more valid, though it is not sound.
I do not wish to imagine how Granero would look with straight hair.
Although the picture here does not indicate so, Granero is really quite a nice and sane man.
FALLACY 7: RED HERRING
Irrelevant issue is brought up to divert attention.
For example:
Silva: Cristiano, I think you are not as great as you think.
Cristiano: Pish-posh. I have hair that is much greater than your mushroom head.
Silva will now DIVERT HIS ATTENTION to his mushroom head.
See how SLY Cristiano is? He cannot give sufficient reasons as to why he thinks he is great. Instead, he attacks a stricken Silva and his mushroom head.
Silva and his mushroom head.
FALLACY 8: STRAW MAN
Misrepresentation of opponent's argument. Person often ends up attacking the extremes, which is not true of the opponent's argument.
For example:
Koeman: I feel that Valencia fans ought to be partially responsible for the dismal performances of the team this season. If they can just stop waving white handkerchiefs and calling for my head, the players would not be so distracted all the time.
Head of Valencia Mafia and Ultras: HOW DARE KOEMAN SAY WE ARE TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG THIS SEASON, THAT WE ARE AT FAULT FOR ALL OF VALENCIA'S LOSSES? What a twat, he is definitely wrong!
And that is how major wars get started. Because of misrepresentation.
By the way, I do not like Koeman.
There is some truth in that example, Koeman has blamed us sometimes. I think he is running out of things to blame though, next week he might blame the cafeteria lady for making the players fat.
And that is it for now. Food beckons.
Signed,
Sincerely, me
Pearlyn Silva
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